{"id":199,"date":"2011-07-17T13:50:46","date_gmt":"2011-07-17T13:50:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/breathe-pod.org.uk\/blog\/?p=199"},"modified":"2021-06-08T13:52:41","modified_gmt":"2021-06-08T13:52:41","slug":"split-your-personality-improve-your-performance","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/breathe-pod.org.uk\/blog\/index.php\/2011\/07\/17\/split-your-personality-improve-your-performance\/","title":{"rendered":"Split your personality \u2013 improve your performance"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

One aspect of self-development that I have been working on with a number of individuals recently has been the aspect of how we do not always operate as \u2018one\u2019.  There are aspects of ourselves that we don\u2019t always understand or access.  Failing to access such information stops us from being as effective as we could be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This post develops the themes of Transactional Analysis (TA)<\/a> and Emotional Intelligence (EI), <\/a>so you may find it useful to access my previous blogs on these subjects prior to, during or after reading this post \u2013 links to which are through the theory titles above.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As a trainer, when facilitating a group, and someone (we will call them Sam) makes a comment, I sometimes think to myself, \u201cWhat a daft thing to say\u201d, or \u201cDo you realise what you have just really said?\u201d These are critical thoughts emanating from my Controlling (Critical) Parent ego-state \u2013 my beliefs and values. Up to that point I had been thinking and speaking from the Adult ego-state \u2013 my rational and objective thoughts. It is generally accepted that adults learn most effectively when the facilitator is non-judgemental (Malcolm Knowles, Andragogy<\/a>), so I know that I\u2019m best not to externalise my judgemental thoughts.  I also know that Sam has missed the point and so needs to consider their thoughts and other points of view. So, I say to the group, \u201cWhat are anybody else\u2019s thoughts on what Sam has just said?\u201d This will then generate a conversation with other members of the group addressing the matter, with Sam being far more likely to openly listen to their peers rather than my views \u2013 be they from the Adult or Critical Parent ego-state. And I have maintained, and possibly improved, my relationship with Sam.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In that short scenario, in Transactional Analysis (TA) terms, Eric Berne <\/a>(founder of TA and photographed above) would say that I had been operating in two different ego-states \u2013 the \u2018Executive\u2019 and the \u2018Real Self\u2019.  At the start of the scenario, my \u2018Executive\u2019 and \u2018Real Self\u2019 were at one, but when Sam made the comments that led to my Critical Parent thoughts, the two split. My Critical Parent ego-state was my \u2018Real Self\u2019, but my Adult ego state retained \u2018Executive\u2019 power. This enabled me to be as personally effective as possible, and to assist the delegate as effectively as possible \u2013 as my \u2018Executive\u2019 ensured that my Adult ego-state was used in my external transactions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The challenge, often, when we are exercising both \u2018Executive\u2019 and \u2018Real Self\u2019 is that there can be incongruence in our gestures, behaviours, mannerisms, etc.  These can be confusing to people if we do not monitor them carefully. If, for example, I was shaking my head as I asked the question, \u201cWhat are anybody else\u2019s thoughts on what Sam has just said?\u201d, my \u2018Real Self\u2019 would be being demonstrated through my body language \u2013 and the Adult ego-state would not have full \u2018Executive\u2019 power.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This also links with the Personal Competence aspect of Emotional Intelligence. In order to achieve this successfully, a person needs to be aware of their emotions and then use them in order to stay flexible and understand themselves more effectively. This entails experiencing and noting our Child ego states (feelings driven), and then considering \u2013 from our Adult ego-state \u2013 what we can learn from our Child.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many people are unaware of this division in themselves, and so cannot take advantage of it. Hence why some people \u2013 not through choice \u2013 \u2018wear their heart on their sleeve\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Have you ever written an email when you are angry or upset, and then put it in the Drafts box, returned to it later and then thought, \u201cDid I really write that?\u201d. Most people then \u2018tone it down\u2019 before sending it and thank or congratulate themselves on putting it in the Drafts box in the first place \u2013 internal discussions between the ego states.  This situation occurs when you have written the email in your Parent or Child ego-state, and when you have returned to it you have re-read it in your Adult ego-state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What I have been working on with these individuals is enabling the two to occur simultaneously.  People who can identify the \u2018Executive\u2019 and the \u2018Real Self\u2019 develop a system which is a bit like gauze or a dam. They have the ability to alter the thickness or denier of the gauze to externalise to others more or less of the \u2018Real Self\u2019 dependent upon what is appropriate. Using the dam metaphor, they can open or close the dam to let as much or as little of their \u2018Real Self\u2019 into the outside world as they want. As it is practiced and mastered, the person can then achieve this in increasingly challenging and stressful situations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How do you separate your \u2018Executive\u2019 from \u2018Real Self\u2019?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When have you used it to great effect?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Paul<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

One aspect of self-development that I have been working on with a number of individuals recently has been the aspect of how we do not always operate as \u2018one\u2019.  There are aspects of ourselves that we don\u2019t always understand or access.  Failing to access such information stops us from being as effective as we could […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[6,7,8,30],"tags":[100,210,217,134,133,215,218,61,216,206,207],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/breathe-pod.org.uk\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/199"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/breathe-pod.org.uk\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/breathe-pod.org.uk\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breathe-pod.org.uk\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breathe-pod.org.uk\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=199"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/breathe-pod.org.uk\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/199\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":200,"href":"https:\/\/breathe-pod.org.uk\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/199\/revisions\/200"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/breathe-pod.org.uk\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=199"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breathe-pod.org.uk\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=199"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breathe-pod.org.uk\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=199"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}