{"id":217,"date":"2011-01-19T14:20:25","date_gmt":"2011-01-19T14:20:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/breathe-pod.org.uk\/blog\/?p=217"},"modified":"2021-06-08T14:24:04","modified_gmt":"2021-06-08T14:24:04","slug":"its-ok-to-allow-yourself-to-it-really-is","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/breathe-pod.org.uk\/blog\/index.php\/2011\/01\/19\/its-ok-to-allow-yourself-to-it-really-is\/","title":{"rendered":"It\u2019s OK to Allow yourself to \u2013 it really is!"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Ever wished you could react more effectively in certain pressure or uncomfortable situations? This post really could be the key to you achieving that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Within my last post on indecision, I mentioned the Transactional Analysis (TA) concept of \u2018Drivers\u2019 \u2013 and in particular the \u201cBe perfect\u201d Driver.  This has generated a couple of emails and a discussion with a  colleague \u2013 which has prompted me to write a little more about these things called Drivers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/a><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

I am surprised that so little is spoken or written about these Drivers<\/a> as they can have such an impact on a person\u2019s life. Perhaps one or more is having an unhelpful impact on yours?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The theory was developed by Taibi Kahler in the 1970s and there are 5 accepted Drivers \u2013 (1) Please Others, (2) Be Perfect, (3) Be Strong, (4) Try Hard, and (5) Hurry Up. They are the same whatever your sex, culture or race.  There is possibly a sixth \u2013 Be Careful \u2013 although this is in dispute.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

As I explained in the previous post, we can be programmed with these Drivers in our early childhood, and then when we come to adult life they can be quite a hindrance.  It is not known exactly how we take them on, although it is accepted that it is in early childhood, as with many aspects of TA.  One of the suggestions or theories is that they are part of the \u2018Script\u2019 we write for ourselves in order to survive in our early months and years, and another is that they are the words we hear from our parents when toilet training.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kahler detailed specific words, phrases, tones and body language that are associated with each of the Drivers.  It is a real skill to be able to identify when others are affected by one of the Drivers as they can occur for only a second or two \u2013 and not generally for longer than 20 seconds or so at a time. It is a little easier to identify your own Drivers through studying the behaviour associated with each and reflecting on how you have behaved in certain situations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We use them to response to perceived threats where we probably feel threatened. And when we feel threatened \u2013 as you may well have experienced in all sorts of situations at work or away from work \u2013 we generally think, feel, react and behave in a particular way. This is because we know, somehow, that this series of thoughts, feelings and behaviours have assisted and protected us \u2013 and therefore enabled us to survive \u2013 on many previous occasions. Unfortunately, these previous occasions were a long, long time ago and since then we have developed a far greater understanding of the world and far more coping mechanisms which are probably of more use in the present day.  We can be trapped by our Drivers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Does that make sense? Can you think of times recently when you may have used one or more of the Drivers? And if so, how useful were they?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I have good news for you! For each of the Drivers there is an \u2018Allower\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Driver \u2013 Allower<\/p>\n\n\n\n