{"id":234,"date":"2010-11-28T14:47:13","date_gmt":"2010-11-28T14:47:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/breathe-pod.org.uk\/blog\/?p=234"},"modified":"2021-06-08T14:47:37","modified_gmt":"2021-06-08T14:47:37","slug":"complementary-crossed-and-hooked","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/breathe-pod.org.uk\/blog\/index.php\/2010\/11\/28\/complementary-crossed-and-hooked\/","title":{"rendered":"Complementary, Crossed and Hooked"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

In my last two posts, I have started to explain Eric Berne\u2019s theory of Transactional Analysis (TA). In this post, I will outline how it can be used in conversation management. Berne calls a conversation between two or more people \u201ca transaction\u201d, hence the name for his theory.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

An example of a transaction between two people where both are in the Adult ego-state would be Jo: \u201cWhat time is it, Sam?\u201d Sam: \u201cEleven o\u2019clock\u201d. They are in the Adult ego-state because Jo is asking an objective question and she receives an objective answer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/a><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

It is possible to depict this theory as a model. Use the \u2018dice\u2019 picture on the left. Write \u2018Jo\u2019 above the three circles on the left, and Sam above the three on the right. Then label the top two circles as \u2018Parent\u2019, the middle two as \u2018Adult and the bottom two as \u2018Child\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Complementary Transactions <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The first example I gave, about asking the time, is an example of a \u2018Complementary transaction\u2019 where each party gets the type of reaction that they are expecting. Jo\u2019s Adult ego-state was seeking to engage Sam\u2019s Adult ego-state, which they did. So, if you drew this theory as a model, you could have an arrow from Jo\u2019s Adult (left middle circle) to Sam\u2019s Adult (right middle circle), and an arrow in the opposite direction for Sam\u2019s response. The two arrows would be parallel with each other, hence why this is called a \u2018Complementary Transaction\u2019 (and sometimes a \u2018Parallel Transaction\u2019).   <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Crossed Transactions<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Later in the day they have a further conversation, after Jo has received feedback on a report saying that it is not to the standard they require. Jo: \u201cI\u2019d like you to explain what you want me to do differently\u201d. Sam responds curtly: \u201cI haven\u2019t got time, go away\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, Jo\u2019s Adult ego-state is seeking to engage Sam\u2019s Adult \u2013 but this doesn\u2019t happen. Sam responds from her Critical Parent ego-state (because what she says is from her values, not an objective explanation as to why there is insufficient time, and due to the tone of delivery). The use of the Critical Parent ego-state in this manner is attempting to engage with Jo\u2019s Adapted Child \u2013 because Sam doesn\u2019t want Jo to continue the interaction. Jo is supposed to feel negative, and therefore less likely to respond.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you were to draw this on our diagram, you would have the same arrow for Jo\u2019s transaction, however, for Sam you would have an arrow from the top right circle down to the bottom left circle. The lines cross \u2013 hence we have a \u201cCrossed Transaction\u201d. Such transactions lead to ineffective communication and often to conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hooking<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The skill in using this theory in managing conversations is to \u2018hook\u2019 the other person into their required ego state.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If Jo continued this second conversation, Jo might well respond by saying, \u201cI don\u2019t want to be a pest, and I don\u2019t want to waste your time, but how specifically does the report need amending?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

By responding in this way, the first two parts of the sentence are from the Adapted Child ego-state (\u2018feeding\u2019 Sam\u2019s Parent ego-state), and the last part (asking for specific information as to how to amend the report) is from the Adult ego state \u2013 thus attempting to \u2018hook\u2019 Sam\u2019s Adult.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hooking is a very powerful skill and one which many people use to great effect \u2013 both in the workplace and in their leisure time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Paul<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In my last two posts, I have started to explain Eric Berne\u2019s theory of Transactional Analysis (TA). In this post, I will outline how it can be used in conversation management. Berne calls a conversation between two or more people \u201ca transaction\u201d, hence the name for his theory. An example of a transaction between two […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[5,8,30],"tags":[206,245,207],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/breathe-pod.org.uk\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/234"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/breathe-pod.org.uk\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/breathe-pod.org.uk\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breathe-pod.org.uk\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breathe-pod.org.uk\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=234"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/breathe-pod.org.uk\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/234\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":235,"href":"https:\/\/breathe-pod.org.uk\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/234\/revisions\/235"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/breathe-pod.org.uk\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=234"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breathe-pod.org.uk\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=234"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/breathe-pod.org.uk\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=234"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}