Archive for the ‘Topic – Personal Development’ Category

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50 Not Out

Sunday, January 23rd, 2011

Well, this is my fiftieth post on my blog (I haven’t been counting, honestly, there is a counter that tells me!)  As one of the key skills I seek to help others develop is that of accurate and objective self-reflection, I thought I should reflect on my blogging experience thus far.

How many blogs in the world are there? Having been to various events over the past 12 months and heard numerous figures quoted with apparent authority (but little real evidence), I’m not sure that anyone knows. Somewhere between 100 and 150 million appears to be as accurate as it is possible to make it. I have also heard that 100,000 new ones start every day, and also that two are created every second (which equates to 172,800 each day).

I have also been told that over 50% of those created ‘die’ within the first 3 months of existence and that over 75% ‘die within their first 6 months. I have no idea how many make it to 50 posts, but it would perhaps be a little meaningless (if in fact the other statistics have any meaning) as a post can be anything from a few words to several pages.

My blog has, however, been developing and growing for well over 6 months now, so I should congratulate myself for that achievement. I have also enjoyed it immensely – which I didn’t expect to.

When I first started the blog, I expected it to be a bit of a chore.  I didn’t expect it to help my creativity of thought in the ways it has. When I have quiet moments, or sometimes as my head hits the pillow at night, I start thinking about what has happened over the past day or so that I could blog about. What has happened that links into both business improvement and learning and development? What will people be interested in reading about? I find this whole process very positive.

I have a number of favourites from my ’50 not out’.

I was very pleased with my second post (Great Railway Stations of the World – 02.06.10) as I think it accurately describes what I was, and still am, attempting to achieve.

The blog that took me longest to write was “Ofsted – head in the sandpit?” (07.11.10). This was because I was very passionate about the subject but wanted to make very sure everything I said was accurate. It took me the best part of 3 hours but I was pleased with the end result.

“Story of a Life” (18.09.10) was enjoyable to write as it involved the great Harry Chapin. What made it particularly enjoyable was that it started in New York and ended in New York – which wasn’t planned when I started writing it, but fitted with the post’s title (and the title of one of his greatest stories). Perfect!

I also wrote two about the Affective Domain (To the Affective and beyond – 22.07.10 & Playing with feeling and playing to learn – 26.07.10). I was particularly pleased with these as they are about an aspect of training delivery that I am passionate about, and because I got feedback from several people as to how helpful they were.

Which am I most disappointed with? If I was that disappointed with any I wouldn’t have published them, or would have removed them! Having said that, if I had to pick one it would be “Your national embarrassment” (26.08.10) as it felt a little forced when I wrote it and I’m not sure it really went anywhere. But does a post always have to go somewhere?

Accurate and objective self-assessment also requires feedback from others – so I’d be interested to know if there have been any posts of particular note for you?

Paul

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It’s OK to Allow yourself to – it really is!

Wednesday, January 19th, 2011

Ever wished you could react more effectively in certain pressure or uncomfortable situations? This post really could be the key to you achieving that.

Within my last post on indecision, I mentioned the Transactional Analysis (TA) concept of ‘Drivers’ – and in particular the “Be perfect” Driver.  This has generated a couple of emails and a discussion with a  colleague – which has prompted me to write a little more about these things called Drivers.

I am surprised that so little is spoken or written about these Drivers as they can have such an impact on a person’s life. Perhaps one or more is having an unhelpful impact on yours?

The theory was developed by Taibi Kahler in the 1970s and there are 5 accepted Drivers – (1) Please Others, (2) Be Perfect, (3) Be Strong, (4) Try Hard, and (5) Hurry Up. They are the same whatever your sex, culture or race.  There is possibly a sixth – Be Careful – although this is in dispute.  

As I explained in the previous post, we can be programmed with these Drivers in our early childhood, and then when we come to adult life they can be quite a hindrance.  It is not known exactly how we take them on, although it is accepted that it is in early childhood, as with many aspects of TA.  One of the suggestions or theories is that they are part of the ‘Script’ we write for ourselves in order to survive in our early months and years, and another is that they are the words we hear from our parents when toilet training.

Kahler detailed specific words, phrases, tones and body language that are associated with each of the Drivers.  It is a real skill to be able to identify when others are affected by one of the Drivers as they can occur for only a second or two – and not generally for longer than 20 seconds or so at a time. It is a little easier to identify your own Drivers through studying the behaviour associated with each and reflecting on how you have behaved in certain situations.

We use them to response to perceived threats where we probably feel threatened. And when we feel threatened – as you may well have experienced in all sorts of situations at work or away from work – we generally think, feel, react and behave in a particular way. This is because we know, somehow, that this series of thoughts, feelings and behaviours have assisted and protected us – and therefore enabled us to survive – on many previous occasions. Unfortunately, these previous occasions were a long, long time ago and since then we have developed a far greater understanding of the world and far more coping mechanisms which are probably of more use in the present day.  We can be trapped by our Drivers.

Does that make sense? Can you think of times recently when you may have used one or more of the Drivers? And if so, how useful were they?

But I have good news for you! For each of the Drivers there is an ‘Allower’.

Driver – Allower

  • Please Others  – It’s OK to consider, respect and please yourself
  • Be Perfect  – It’s okay to be yourself – you’re good enough as you are
  • Be Strong  – It’s OK to be open and express your wants or needs
  • Try Hard  – It’s OK to do it
  • Hurry Up  – It’s OK to take your time

Try an Allower for yourself – they are there for all of us to use. The next time you tell yourself to Hurry Up in a pressurised situation, tell yourself you can take your time. When you feel yourself telling yourself to Be Perfect, accept that you’re good enough and you don’t need to be perfect. It will possibly be uncomfortable – after all, you’ve been living with these Drivers for how many years? So take your time – give yourself time. Because you’re worth it!

If you want to read more about each of the Drivers (and the words, feelings, actions, etc., associated with each), Allowers, Scripts and other TA theories, I would recommend a great book by Ian Stewart and Vann Joines – TA Today.

Paul

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Need help getting off the fence?

Tuesday, January 11th, 2011

Indecision has been the theme of this past weekend. It reminded me of the French proverb, “Between two stools one sits on the ground”. It also reminded me of the Turkish proverb, “He became an infidel hesitating between two mosques”. I couldn’t decide which one to use …

The effect of indecision on us and those we manage or interact with can be immense. This was powerfully expressed by William James when he wrote, “There is no more miserable human being than one in whom nothing is habitual” (The Principles of Psychology, 1892)

So, if you want to improve your decision making or think you have a tendancy to procrastinate (and if you can’t decide, then perhaps you have!), here are some tips that will help you:

1. Give yourself enough time to obtain and consider all the information. If you don’t give yourself enough time to do this you are more likely to make a poor quality decision, or miss the opportunity to make a decision. Train or bus, bus or train … – spend too much time thinking about it too close to the time, and you’ll probably miss them both.

2. Don’t think that there is a right and a wrong option (or options).  By thinking in terms of ‘right and wrong’ we can put pressure on ourselves – unnecessarily. Usually there are pros and cons to each option, and one may be better than the other or others, but they are not generally right and wrong. If something is that obvious that one really is right and the others are wrong, it’s usually fairly obvious to us.

3. Take time out to consider what you need to achieve. When we are managing projects or teams, it is easy to get involved in day to day matters and not take time out to think more long term. By considering your vision, your aims, your objectives you have then got something to consider decisions against – and it makes them a whole lot easier to take.

4. Don’t worry about the decision. If you have considered all the information available and made a rational decision, you have done your best. And if it turns out not to be the best decision due to additional information becoming available, it was still the best decision when you made it. And you may well be able to implement an amended decision – most decisions are not final.

5. Avoid perfectionism. Easier said than done! Often in early life we have been programmed by our parents and carers to be perfect – they do it with the best of intentions but it can become unhelpful for us later in life. In Transactional Analysis (TA) the theory suggests that we have 5 possible behaviour drivers – one of these is “Be perfect”. You don’t have to be perfect or make perfect decisions. If this is a particular issue for you, tell yourself that you are good enough as you are – this is the antidote to “Being Perfect”. And if you use these tips, your decisions will be good enough.

6. Communicate clearly with yourself. You have thoughts and feelings. When considering all the information and options, you need to be objective and rational. And when we are considering which way to turn, we have internal discussions.  Those internal conversations need to be clear and not clouded by fear of making the wrong decision, or other negative emotions. Writing down your thought processes can help to ensure you have the most productive internal discussions possible.     

7. Follow your intuition. Be in contact with and use your feelings – this is sometimes referred to as being Emotionally Intelligent (EI). Those of us who do not use our Emotional Intelligence will generally make less effective decisions than those of us who do.  Our brains are wired to make us emotional beings, and the experts suggest we experience more than 450 emotions each day – how much notice do you currently take of that information? If it feels right, it probably will be right.

8. Cut your teeth on small decisions. Try out these techniques on small decisions. This will help you work out what works for you and what may not work – and what might need more practice. By using the process in less important scenarios, it will be easier to use the process in more potentially difficult situations.

Have a go. See what works for you. Or do you have any other tips that have worked for you?

Paul

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Motivate your manager!

Wednesday, January 5th, 2011

Have you set yourself up for the New Year? It seems like it has only just started, but we are already more than 1% of the way through the year – we completed that around 2pm on Wednesday (wherever you are in the world!). In fact, if you live in Scotland, this 1% had passed before the majority of people had returned to work – due to the weekend and bank holidays.

So, if you have sorted your own action plan out, here’s another idea on how you can get your year off to a flying start – have you ever considered motivating your boss?

We so often think about what we are going to achieve, or how to develop and motivate our staff, but rarely our bosses.  

Almost all writings on motivation are designed to give the manager techniques to motivate staff. It was assumed that motivation was a one-way street that runs from top to bottom.

The same thing used to be thought of communication, until someone discovered that it was a two-way street (although I do accept that not everyone has worked that out yet!). Current management thinking says that employees should be concerned about motivating their bosses, and should not take a passive role toward this issue.

But how do you motivate your boss? Here are some of the most effective ways:

1)    Seize the initiative: Don’t wait for your boss to “give” you work. Find out what needs to be done and suggest to your boss how you could do it.

2)    Generate new ideas: Be creative – think of better ways to do the work in your area – and outside of your area too, and tell your boss about it.

3)    Offer your assistance: Your boss needs your support and help. Show them that you’re there to provide full support.

4)    Ask your boss to delegate: Your boss might not be aware that you are ready to assume more responsibilities and take on new challenges. Ask the boss to delegate responsibilities you think you can take on.

5)    Provide solutions: Don’t limit your contact with the boss to the times you bring up a problem or a request for help. Bosses need to hear solutions, not just problems.

6)    Give compliments: Your boss is human – really! They need to receive compliments when they do something well, or when they help you in a positive way. Don’t worry that it might sound insincere. Compliments, done in good taste and for a good reason, are always appreciated – as long as you don’t over do it.

7)    Show your commitment: It’s important for the boss to know that you care about your work, about the organisation, and about the boss. Show that you care, in words and in action. Go out of your way to provide good service and promote the company.

8)    Stay positive: People who talk and act in a negative way can depress people around them, including the boss. It’s important for your own mental health and for that of others that you are positive and enthusiastic. Try saying “Thank Goodness It’s Monday” instead of the usual “Friday” reference. But it’s a matter of your general attitude, not just what you say.

What additional tips would you add to this list?

Paul

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Wishing you a Resourceful New Year!

Friday, December 31st, 2010

Do you want to take greater charge of your career?  The start of a New Year is a great time for thinking about changes you might want to make or opportunities you might want to pursue. Perhaps you are thinking of how you can take more control over your career? If so, with a little structure and focus, this can be achieved. Here are five tips to get you started.

Know exactly what you want to achieve

Know what you want – what you really, really want! Where do you want to be in 5 years’ time? What is your personal Vision for yourself? Martin Luther King had a very strong Vision – it was his ‘Dream’. You need to have your own. This is a critical part of your planning. It is critical because you are probably already leading a busy life. And having a vision or a goal may well require you to put additional time into gaining a qualification or gaining greater or different experience. This takes time, so you need to be sure that you will be able to give it the time it requires. You may need to consider what aspects of your current life you are going to stop doing or put on the back burner for a while. If you cannot identify such activities, you may well need to scale back your plans – it will clarify for you what aspects of your life and future are really important to you.

Small steps

If you acquire an old house that requires a complete renovation, you would probably break the job down into smaller jobs. Perhaps by looking at a room at a time, or one part of the renovation at a time (e.g. the roof, the flooring, the plastering). This is because it makes it easier and more manageable – and there is a sense of achievement as each part is ‘ticked’ as being completed. Your Vision should be no different. Break it down into smaller sequential steps so you can see how they will lead to the end result, but then you concentrate on one at a time.

Action plan

Create an action plan for the first of the steps. Write down exactly what it is you are going to achieve, how you will do it, when you will do it by and how you will know you have achieved it. Once you have completed this step, do the same for the next step. By doing this, if you have an overall 5-year goal it will not seem so daunting. And don’t forget to reward yourself for each action completed – promising yourself a small treat for each achievement is both fun and motivating! I have posted an example of how to create an Action Plan.

It’s easier with help

For two reasons. Firstly because having a coach or friend who can help you work out actions or how to achieve them can be so important. Sometimes we can’t see the wood for the trees when we are developing ourselves, and someone looking in from outside can be just what is needed. Secondly, if we say to someone that we will do something by a specific date, most of us are more likely to complete it than if we only make the agreement with ourselves. This is because we know someone is going to support us – and check up on us!

Believe in yourself

This is perhaps the most important step. I work with so many people who could achieve so much more if they believed in themselves – and many do suddenly blossom once they have the self-belief. We have so many skills that we often don’t realise we have, and sometimes a mental approach that stops us from be as effective as we could be. If you make yourself smile, it’s difficult not to feel positive. There are techniques that can enable you to be equally positive about yourself and what you can achieve.

Go on, have a go! You will be amazed at what you can achieve!

Paul

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Belief is Madness

Tuesday, December 21st, 2010

As many other people do around this time of year, I have started reflecting on the past twelve months.  One of my areas of reflection has been around, “What has happened that has most surprised me?” Within a work perspective this has been, without doubt,  the evidence of the power of belief. I have worked with many people this year – both on a one to one basis and in groups – who have demonstrated what can be achieved through believing in themselves.

I have known this to be the case for a long time, but I haven’t previously witnessed so many powerful achievements that have quite obviously meant so much to the people concerned. And I have had so much joy in being able to share their huge senses of achievement.

What is sad, perhaps, is that for some of these people they have had to wait until their 40’s to have that belief – or should I say regain that belief?

When we are born we are surely positive. As we grow up, we constantly try out new things, learn what we can do and what we cannot (yet) do. And then we are influenced by people who we think know best – those people who impact on us in our childhoods. And that’s where children can go in different directions.

This is evident from the UK reality TV shows I was discussing in my last post.  Rebecca from the X Factor has a wonderful voice, but she didn’t believe that 6 months ago. Over the duration of the Programme as she has constantly been told how and why her voice is so good, viewers have witnessed her grow in belief and personal stature. As a consequence, her performances have improved. 

If we then turn our attention to The Apprentice, we have a group of contestants who generally have huge belief in their capabilities – so much so that when they are ‘Fired’ they often believe that Lord Sugar has made a significant mistake! There was a great moment a couple of weeks ago when one contestant – Stuart – thought that he was going to be fired, and so he made an impassioned plea. Within it, he said how great he was, what he could for Lord Sugar and how much money he would make for him – but there was no evidence. What made it particularly powerful was how easily a hardened business person like Sugar was ‘taken in’ – evidenced by his personal  anger the following week at having been ‘taken in’. But it was a great demonstration of what can be achieved through the power of belief in yourself.  

Finally, another TV programme in the listings caught my eye. This was, “Believe – the Eddie Izzard Story”. This turned out to be a very touching and intimate portrait of the comedian’s life so far. It detailed how he kept being told he wasn’t good enough by various people and the constant knocks he had received until his late 20’s, and the self-belief and determination he displayed.

At one point he reflected on his approach. “It’s what I call the madness. If you think you can perform and the whole world is saying that you can’t perform, then you’re obviously mad. If you hold on to that madness, and you hold on to it, and you hold on to it, and you hold on to it, for years and later it comes good and you can actually perform it proves that you weren’t mad. You just have to surround that little bit of belief and hold on to it for as long as it takes”. And later he added, “If fear gets in the way, you just push fear back”.

What do you want to achieve next year, and do you believe you can achieve it? And if you haven’t yet got the requisite self-belief, how are you going to re-discover it?

Paul

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Nothing is real

Friday, December 10th, 2010

Reality. What is it? What is real? As the late John Lennon (and I can remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when I heard of his death 30 years ago this week) once said, “Reality leaves a lot to the imagination”. So it does, because nothing is real – he also said that, too, but that was when he was taking us through his dream of Strawberry Fields, and I mean when we have all our faculties about us.

What I think of and describe as being ‘real’ will be my reality. The person at the same concert, walking down the road with me, or watching the same film will have their own experience or perception of what they see as being real – and it will be different to mine.

This then perhaps explains Walkers’ Crisps view of what is real. I was looking at a packet of their Thai Sweet Chilli flavoured Sensations crisps this week, and it proudly states on the front, “Made with real ingredients”. Isn’t everything made from real ingredients? I checked out the ingredients and they include Fructose, Hydrolysed Soya Protein and Colour. I suppose they are real, but I still think it’s a strange line to put on the packet. What do they think people will interpret as meaning ‘real’?

Which brings me to my third reality check – the one called Reality TV. I’m a Celebrity has just finished and The Apprentice is nearing its conclusion – as is the X Factor, although some people will not see this as Reality TV. I have to admit I enjoy these programmes. The reason I enjoy them is because we see ‘real’ people – or, more accurately, people in their ‘real’ states.

When we are young children, we are at our most real, I would suggest. Then, as we grow up we are told how to behave in different situations, and then we go to work and have rules, cultures and procedures to conform with. How real are we by this point?

With I’m a Celebrity, we have people who have been in the public eye to some degree (I would stop short of calling them celebrities) and who have experience of how they should appear or what they should say – but this has to slip ‘in the jungle’. We see more of their real sides – particularly with the increased pressures of tasks, lack of food and living so closely to other strangers.

And with The Apprentice, we have unknown people who are put in pressure situations – leading to them saying things they probably regret when they see them again. But these are closer to their real personalities interacting with each other than the facades they may wish to show.

And so these two shows give great examples for training sessions – they are a rich seem of television for using to help people understand management, dealing with conflict, presenting, listening, communicating, building rapport and so many more skills. So much better than the DVDs we can buy – because the TV examples are so close to reality. Watch them with that in mind – you will be surprised at how many good examples (good examples for learning, often bad examples of the skills!) you will find.

Paul

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Complementary, Crossed and Hooked

Sunday, November 28th, 2010

In my last two posts, I have started to explain Eric Berne’s theory of Transactional Analysis (TA). In this post, I will outline how it can be used in conversation management. Berne calls a conversation between two or more people “a transaction”, hence the name for his theory.

An example of a transaction between two people where both are in the Adult ego-state would be Jo: “What time is it, Sam?” Sam: “Eleven o’clock”. They are in the Adult ego-state because Jo is asking an objective question and she receives an objective answer.

It is possible to depict this theory as a model. Use the ‘dice’ picture on the left. Write ‘Jo’ above the three circles on the left, and Sam above the three on the right. Then label the top two circles as ‘Parent’, the middle two as ‘Adult and the bottom two as ‘Child’.

Complementary Transactions 

The first example I gave, about asking the time, is an example of a ‘Complementary transaction’ where each party gets the type of reaction that they are expecting. Jo’s Adult ego-state was seeking to engage Sam’s Adult ego-state, which they did. So, if you drew this theory as a model, you could have an arrow from Jo’s Adult (left middle circle) to Sam’s Adult (right middle circle), and an arrow in the opposite direction for Sam’s response. The two arrows would be parallel with each other, hence why this is called a ‘Complementary Transaction’ (and sometimes a ‘Parallel Transaction’).   

Crossed Transactions

Later in the day they have a further conversation, after Jo has received feedback on a report saying that it is not to the standard they require. Jo: “I’d like you to explain what you want me to do differently”. Sam responds curtly: “I haven’t got time, go away”.

So, Jo’s Adult ego-state is seeking to engage Sam’s Adult – but this doesn’t happen. Sam responds from her Critical Parent ego-state (because what she says is from her values, not an objective explanation as to why there is insufficient time, and due to the tone of delivery). The use of the Critical Parent ego-state in this manner is attempting to engage with Jo’s Adapted Child – because Sam doesn’t want Jo to continue the interaction. Jo is supposed to feel negative, and therefore less likely to respond.

If you were to draw this on our diagram, you would have the same arrow for Jo’s transaction, however, for Sam you would have an arrow from the top right circle down to the bottom left circle. The lines cross – hence we have a “Crossed Transaction”. Such transactions lead to ineffective communication and often to conflict.

Hooking

The skill in using this theory in managing conversations is to ‘hook’ the other person into their required ego state.

If Jo continued this second conversation, Jo might well respond by saying, “I don’t want to be a pest, and I don’t want to waste your time, but how specifically does the report need amending?”

By responding in this way, the first two parts of the sentence are from the Adapted Child ego-state (‘feeding’ Sam’s Parent ego-state), and the last part (asking for specific information as to how to amend the report) is from the Adult ego state – thus attempting to ‘hook’ Sam’s Adult.  

Hooking is a very powerful skill and one which many people use to great effect – both in the workplace and in their leisure time.

Paul

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How to tell an ego-state

Tuesday, November 23rd, 2010

My last blog post introduced Transactional Analysis (TA). Here is a little more detail on the ego states themselves.

The Parent ego-state:

This contains patterns of behaviour from significant authority figures (primarily parents or carers) including morals and values, their idea of right and wrong, good and bad.

The Parent state has two sides to it:

1. The Critical Parent (CP) – typified by statements such as, “You shouldn’t”, “How dare you”.

2. The Nurturing Parent (NP) – with “I’ll take care of you”, or “You did really well”, being statements that could be driven by a person being in the NP ego-state.

A typical tone of voice could be stern, condescending (CP) or caring, sympathetic (NP). Gestures might include frowning, crossed arms, finger pointing/wagging (CP) or supportiveness by arm on shoulder or pat on back (NP).

Often these characteristics are the same as or similar to the influential people from a person’s early life.

The Adult ego-state:

This is the clear thinking, rational, analytical way of dealing with the reality of the present.

In the Adult ego state (A) the individual is commonly problem solving or dealing with information in some logical way.

Characteristics are typically the calm and even tone of voice, asking open questions, seeking and evaluating options and proposing alternative courses of action.

The Child ego-state:

This does not mean behaving childishly but is concerned with behaviour and feelings as they were experienced in childhood.

The Child state has two sides to it:

1. The Free Child (FC) is spontaneous, fun loving, uninhibited.

 2. The Adapted Child (AC) – Typical characteristics of the Adapted Child are, “please”, “sorry”, “I’ll try harder”; whining voice or mumbling, perhaps taunting or manipulative; polite; spiteful; looking away or down.

 As the constraints of dealing with others (particularly authority figures, either through their positions or their behavioural characteristics) take effect, the Adapted Child (AC) emerges.

 Summary of drivers

 Put very simply, the ego-states are driven by the following drivers:

  • Parent driver = beliefs
  •  Adult driver = thoughts
  • Child driver = feelings

None of the ego-states is intrinsically better than any of the others, but each is appropriate in different situations and will have a different effect on those with whom we communicate.

And I’ll explain more about its use in managing communication and conversations in my next post.

Paul

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Theory or Model?

Sunday, November 14th, 2010

During an event I was running last week I was asked what the difference is between a Model and a Theory. The short answer is that a Model ‘represents’ and a Theory ‘explains’.

A Theory usually starts with a number of assumptions, which are then tested. The assumptions generally relate to a logical chain of objective reasoning. The testing leads to conclusions and possible further testing. And a Theory is born. The theme for the testing of any effective Theory is that of validity.

A Model, in the learning and development  environment, is generally accepted to be a symbolic or graphic representation of a theory, system or intricate process. It will often show the inter-relationship between the differing aspects of the theory.  It is intended to explain and as such is often a simplification and does not contain all the detail. The theme for the testing of and effective Model is that of utility.

Incidentally, this reminds me of a quote I once read somewhere – and successfully remembered for some reason. It was explaining what a Model was and it stated, “A Model is a theoretical reflection, an approximation of reality, but like a map it helps us see the ground a little more clearly”. I do wish I could forget some of these things I have learned in the past and remember things that are of more use.

Anyway, a week before being asked the Model and Theory question – during a management development programme – I was asked what was the best Theory that I knew. I found (and find) this a very difficult question to answer. It’s a little like asking me what my favourite piece of music is – it will depend on the situation and circumstances. Having said that, whilst it will depend on the setting, I would probably have to go for Transactional Analysis (TA). I would choose TA for a number of reasons:

  • It is perhaps the most versatile Theory I know in that it is applicable to so many situations.
  • It is fundamental to so many situations as it improves communications and assists in building rapport.
  • It is relatively easy to understand.
  • I have witnessed more personal and professional development by individuals and teams through the application of this Theory than any other.

This Theory was developed by Dr Eric Berne in the 1960s and has since been popularised in books such as his own, “Games People Play” and Harris’ “I’m Okay, You’re Okay”.

Berne developed the theory that at various times individuals behave in different ways which are identifiable through different types of behaviour. These different types of behaviour he called “ego-states” and he labelled named them as “Parent”, “Adult” and “Child”. 

According to Berne (and no one has really threatened this theory in the intervening years) people are always operating in one of these three ego-states.

The ego-states are so named because they reflect behaviour typically exhibited by parents, adults and children. It should be understood from the outset, however, that the states have nothing to do with actual ages. For example, a 5 year old person can be in the Adult or Parent ego-state, and a childless person can be in the parent ego-state.

Earlier this year, having delivered a session on TA on a Leadership Programme, I found that one of the delegates had found the input so impactive, he had resigned from his job and returned to his native France to find an ex-girlfriend as it had enabled him to understand why the relationship had initially failed. I say initially failed as they are now back together again.

Whilst this level of impact is an extreme example, it is testament to the powerful understanding this theory can deliver when applied to personal or professional situations.

In my next blog, I will explain more about TA.

Paul

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